The 90-day rule...

Do I have your attention?  Good!

I know a lot of people have heard of the 90-day rule from Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  A lot of people were like "That's messed up!" because let's face it, when it comes to sex people don't think rationally they just do.  That's why STIs are such a problem in the United States.  Well I think the 90-day rule is a good idea but not for the reasons Steve Harvey says...

All STIs including HIV show up on a STI/HIV test by three months once a person is exposed from unprotected sex.  With that said, once your new partner finishes their probation period, go to the clinic or doctor's office together and get tested!  If your partner refuses, you may want to run!  During the probation period (honestly, as soon as possible) it may be a good idea to talk to your partner about what means of contraception/protection you plan on using if and when you have sex.  It's much better to have the talk anytime other than the heat of the moment.  A wise man once told me "A hard penis has no conscience!"

Once you have figured out your safe sex plan, go shopping for condoms together.  There are way too many kinds, sizes, and shapes of condoms to not use one.  Buy different kinds and try them all out.  If your partner tells you that condoms hinder their performance, find some sex toys to enhance the experience.  Both of you learn about different sex techniques to maintain arousal.  It also helps to put a couple of drops of lubricant on the inside of the condom to increase sensitivity.  There are many ways safe sex can be pleasurable you just have to think outside of the box!

If you partner refuses to use protection, there are some things you need to think about.  What happens when you don't use protection?  Pregnancy! Are you and your partner ready to have a child?  Financially, mentally, and emotionally ready?  Are you where you want to be in life?  Are you and your partner in it for the long haul (and I mean ride or die)? If you answered no to any of these questions, it may be a good idea to reevaluate the contraception situation.  Ladies, you may need to think long and hard about your views on contraception. If your views on contraception contradict with your readiness to have a child, you may need to take a step back on sex until you are ready for what may happen in the event you get pregnant.  Another thing you have to think about are STIs.  Some STIs are curable, others are not.  Are you faithful to your partner?  Is your partner faithful to you? Can you keep up with the treatment of a curable STI? Can you deal with living with a STI that is not curable?  If you answered no to any of these questions, you may need to reevaluate your views on safe sex.  The fallout of an unplanned pregnancy and/or incurable STI is a heavy burden to bear.  I'm not here to preach to anyone about anything.  I just want you to think before you act.

If your partner refuses to practice safe sex, they are not thinking or caring about their own health and well being let alone yours.  I understand loving someone, trust me, but love can and will cloud your judgement.  If you're going to stick around, brace yourself for the possible consequences of your decision.  At least get tested regularly so you know what's going on with your body.

It's 2012 people!  There's a lot of bad people and things out there!  You gotta love and protect yourself in order to live the life you truly want to live!

Take care,
- Kimmy