It's one of my favorites. I've seen it in a few substance abuse interventions. How does the story apply to things going on in your life?
Enjoy and take care,
- Kimmy
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
Copyright © Portia Nelson from the book "There's a Hole in My Sidewalk" by Beyond Words Publishing, Inc. Hillsboro, OR
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Forgiveness
If you have been wronged, it is very hard to move on with your life if you do not forgive. Resentment and hurt do just as much damage if not more than what happened to you. Think about the last person who hurt you badly...what was it that they did to hurt you? What part are you unable to forgive? How has you not forgiving affected you?
Forgiveness means different things to different people. Ask yourself: what does forgiveness mean to you? If you are unsure here are some things to think about.
Forgiveness is:
Forgiveness is NOT:
Remember that forgiveness is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. Although it may hurt in the beginning to forgive, you will see that it is one of the best things you've ever done.
Take care,
-Kimmy
Source: To Forgive or Not to Forgive? Strategies for Anger Management by Kerry Moles CSW.
Forgiveness means different things to different people. Ask yourself: what does forgiveness mean to you? If you are unsure here are some things to think about.
Forgiveness is:
- Acknowledging what happened and your feelings about it.
- Letting go of anger and bitterness.
- Refusing to let the person who hurt you have power over you.
- Something you do for you.
- A choice.
- An important step in the healing process.
- Emancipating yourself from the past.
- Accepting that the past can't be changed.
- Being unwilling to wish harm on another person.
Forgiveness is NOT:
- Not forgetting what happened.
- Attempting to undo what happened.
- Denying your feelings about what happened.
- Not condoning or excusing what the other person did.
- Not the same as letting the other person get away with what they did.
- It doesn't mean that you need to continue to have a relationship with the person you're forgiving.
- It doesn't mean that your hurt about the situation will automatically go away.
Remember that forgiveness is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. Although it may hurt in the beginning to forgive, you will see that it is one of the best things you've ever done.
Take care,
-Kimmy
Source: To Forgive or Not to Forgive? Strategies for Anger Management by Kerry Moles CSW.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Friendship
Friends...how many of us have them?
Everyone wants to have good people in their life but the real question is: are you a good friend? Do you at least check in on those you care about the most. People remember when you're not around especially when they needed you most. Always treat your friends how you want to be treated.
One of my favorite sayings is that there will always be times when you know who your real friends are. Keep note of who is around during your prosperious times and when you're down and out. Who is truly supportive of you? Who tells you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Those friends are your real friends.
People keep people in their life because they've known them for many many years. That's fine if they continue to meet your needs as a friend throughout the years. If you've outgrown someone as a friend it's okay to let them go and make new friends. In life you win some and you lose some.
Life is already tough at times so having good friends and being a good friend makes the ride less bumpy.
Take care,
-Kimmy
Everyone wants to have good people in their life but the real question is: are you a good friend? Do you at least check in on those you care about the most. People remember when you're not around especially when they needed you most. Always treat your friends how you want to be treated.
One of my favorite sayings is that there will always be times when you know who your real friends are. Keep note of who is around during your prosperious times and when you're down and out. Who is truly supportive of you? Who tells you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Those friends are your real friends.
People keep people in their life because they've known them for many many years. That's fine if they continue to meet your needs as a friend throughout the years. If you've outgrown someone as a friend it's okay to let them go and make new friends. In life you win some and you lose some.
Life is already tough at times so having good friends and being a good friend makes the ride less bumpy.
Take care,
-Kimmy
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Mental Health 101: Depression
Have you ever been down in the dumps?
Everyone has had times when they felt sad. Luckily they bounce back. People say they're depressed all the time. However depression is a serious mental health disorder if untreated for a long period of time.
In addition to feeling depressed, people with depression have problems sleeping, lose or gain a lot of weight in a short period of time, are agitated or irritable, have no energy, and/or feel worthless. If more severe cases they think about ending their own life. Some attempt to end their life because they do not think things will get better for them.
Although it is normal to feel sad sometimes, depression is not normal; there is a chemical imbalance in your brain that needs to be corrected. If you or someone you know may have depression, see a doctor or therapist immediately to be sure! Your doctor or therapist can help you with medicine or counseling depending on how bad your depression is. If you don't know where to begin, here are some resources to get you started. Doing something is a matter of life or death.
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.apa.org/
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/
www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression
Take care,
-Kimmy
Everyone has had times when they felt sad. Luckily they bounce back. People say they're depressed all the time. However depression is a serious mental health disorder if untreated for a long period of time.
In addition to feeling depressed, people with depression have problems sleeping, lose or gain a lot of weight in a short period of time, are agitated or irritable, have no energy, and/or feel worthless. If more severe cases they think about ending their own life. Some attempt to end their life because they do not think things will get better for them.
Although it is normal to feel sad sometimes, depression is not normal; there is a chemical imbalance in your brain that needs to be corrected. If you or someone you know may have depression, see a doctor or therapist immediately to be sure! Your doctor or therapist can help you with medicine or counseling depending on how bad your depression is. If you don't know where to begin, here are some resources to get you started. Doing something is a matter of life or death.
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.apa.org/
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/
www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression
Take care,
-Kimmy
Losing Weight...
True Story...
I went to a friend's birthday party and we ate at Applebee's because Dave and Buster's had a two hour wait. It was interesting to see the larger people and self proclaimed "fat girls" eat the good fatty stuff: wings, burgers, the appetizer trio...if it sounded like you'd get a heart attack hearing it it was on the table. On the other hand, the two skinniest girls ate chicken wraps and fries and water. I thought to myself "hmmm...that's how the skinny folks stay skinny".
What is the point of my story? Being "skinny" is a way of life. That's the main reason fad diets and workouts do not work. A healthy lifestyle is a 24/7/365 thing. You gotta eat healthy and moderately and exercise at least 30 minutes a day to lose weight. Burn more calories than you consume. That's it...it's not rocket science.
Then why is obesity such an issue in the United States?
Before you can lose weight and stay "skinny" you gotta get your mind right. You have to make some major changes to the way you think about yourself, food, and exercise in order for the weight to come and stay off. Remember, the body cannot live on it's own without the brain. If you're an emotional eater, you need to work on coping with life. If you are unmotivated to exercise, you need to reflect on whether your lack of motivation is in exercise only or does it happen in all aspects of your life? What is the REAL reason you want to lose weight? If your reason is any reason other than "I love me and I want to be around for a long time", you need to reevaluate some things in your life. If your mind is right, your body will be too.
A healthy lifestyle is also a commitment. Think "until death parts us". There should be few cheat days; the only time you don't exercise is when you're sick or injured. Seriously, that's how the skinny people do it (with exception to those with good DNA and high metabolisms however not many fall into that category).
If you are not seriously willing to do the above at least be honest about your weight and get to a point that you can get a clean bill of health from the doctor. Your health is ALWAYS first!
If you need help getting your mind right, see a counselor. Your doctor and dietitian can help you with your body. If you have the means, a personal trainer can help you but it's not necessary. Just get active...do SOMETHING, ANYTHING! Just get off that couch!
Healthy living is happy living!
-Kimmy
I went to a friend's birthday party and we ate at Applebee's because Dave and Buster's had a two hour wait. It was interesting to see the larger people and self proclaimed "fat girls" eat the good fatty stuff: wings, burgers, the appetizer trio...if it sounded like you'd get a heart attack hearing it it was on the table. On the other hand, the two skinniest girls ate chicken wraps and fries and water. I thought to myself "hmmm...that's how the skinny folks stay skinny".
What is the point of my story? Being "skinny" is a way of life. That's the main reason fad diets and workouts do not work. A healthy lifestyle is a 24/7/365 thing. You gotta eat healthy and moderately and exercise at least 30 minutes a day to lose weight. Burn more calories than you consume. That's it...it's not rocket science.
Then why is obesity such an issue in the United States?
Before you can lose weight and stay "skinny" you gotta get your mind right. You have to make some major changes to the way you think about yourself, food, and exercise in order for the weight to come and stay off. Remember, the body cannot live on it's own without the brain. If you're an emotional eater, you need to work on coping with life. If you are unmotivated to exercise, you need to reflect on whether your lack of motivation is in exercise only or does it happen in all aspects of your life? What is the REAL reason you want to lose weight? If your reason is any reason other than "I love me and I want to be around for a long time", you need to reevaluate some things in your life. If your mind is right, your body will be too.
A healthy lifestyle is also a commitment. Think "until death parts us". There should be few cheat days; the only time you don't exercise is when you're sick or injured. Seriously, that's how the skinny people do it (with exception to those with good DNA and high metabolisms however not many fall into that category).
If you are not seriously willing to do the above at least be honest about your weight and get to a point that you can get a clean bill of health from the doctor. Your health is ALWAYS first!
If you need help getting your mind right, see a counselor. Your doctor and dietitian can help you with your body. If you have the means, a personal trainer can help you but it's not necessary. Just get active...do SOMETHING, ANYTHING! Just get off that couch!
Healthy living is happy living!
-Kimmy
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
It's Tax Time!
What does a counselor know about money!?
THIS counselor knows quite a bit about money. I used to be a financial representative and was in financial services for 7 years (unfortunately)...the bills had to be paid somehow but I digress. My part time job is doing taxes. I'm not going to tell you where to protect the innocent but I love the job. The company treats me well and we have fun.
Anywho, back to my original point: tax time!
Tax time means TAX REFUND CHECKS!!
With that said, I just want to make a point. If you've been planning on how to spend your refund check since October, you may need to reevaluate your financial situation. If you spend your tax refund check on things to cover up the fact that you're broke, again, you may need to reevaluate your financial situation. If you're eligible to receive the Earned Income Credit, yes it makes your tax refund check look nice however to qualify for it you have to be living BELOW POVERTY LEVEL! Last I checked, living below poverty is rough living. Again, you may need to reevaluate your financial situation. You're supposed to break even at tax time however I understand Uncle Sam is on the bottom of your list of bills to pay. If you're tired of the cycle, reevaluate your money situation! If you don't have the slightest clue about money, go to the bank. All those fees you're paying fund those people's salary so use them! If you don't like banks I say get over that foolishness...sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to get where you want to be in life.
I know the majority of people are honest people struggling to get by however another point I want to make is claiming other people's children on your taxes. The maximum number of kids to get the big refunds is 3 so the people who have more sell the other kids to people who don't have kids for a portion of the refund. The feds know you do that mess that's why there is so much paperwork to get the EIC credit and the tax prep fees are more than you expect...they're trying to stop people from doing that foolishness. A word from the wise of claiming kids (this includes deadbeat baby daddies and baby mamas too): if you cannot prove in writing that you provided more than have of that child's support for over 6 months of the year in the event of an audit, don't claim that child! If the IRS figures out that you're claiming stuff you're not supposed to claim, they're going to make you pay that refund back in full ASAP! They will take all your future refunds until they get all their money back and they won't let you claim the credits in the future even if it's legit for up to 10 years!
I just wanted to give you a couple of things to think about while you wait for your W-2s...
Take Care,
Kimmy
THIS counselor knows quite a bit about money. I used to be a financial representative and was in financial services for 7 years (unfortunately)...the bills had to be paid somehow but I digress. My part time job is doing taxes. I'm not going to tell you where to protect the innocent but I love the job. The company treats me well and we have fun.
Anywho, back to my original point: tax time!
Tax time means TAX REFUND CHECKS!!
With that said, I just want to make a point. If you've been planning on how to spend your refund check since October, you may need to reevaluate your financial situation. If you spend your tax refund check on things to cover up the fact that you're broke, again, you may need to reevaluate your financial situation. If you're eligible to receive the Earned Income Credit, yes it makes your tax refund check look nice however to qualify for it you have to be living BELOW POVERTY LEVEL! Last I checked, living below poverty is rough living. Again, you may need to reevaluate your financial situation. You're supposed to break even at tax time however I understand Uncle Sam is on the bottom of your list of bills to pay. If you're tired of the cycle, reevaluate your money situation! If you don't have the slightest clue about money, go to the bank. All those fees you're paying fund those people's salary so use them! If you don't like banks I say get over that foolishness...sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to get where you want to be in life.
I know the majority of people are honest people struggling to get by however another point I want to make is claiming other people's children on your taxes. The maximum number of kids to get the big refunds is 3 so the people who have more sell the other kids to people who don't have kids for a portion of the refund. The feds know you do that mess that's why there is so much paperwork to get the EIC credit and the tax prep fees are more than you expect...they're trying to stop people from doing that foolishness. A word from the wise of claiming kids (this includes deadbeat baby daddies and baby mamas too): if you cannot prove in writing that you provided more than have of that child's support for over 6 months of the year in the event of an audit, don't claim that child! If the IRS figures out that you're claiming stuff you're not supposed to claim, they're going to make you pay that refund back in full ASAP! They will take all your future refunds until they get all their money back and they won't let you claim the credits in the future even if it's legit for up to 10 years!
I just wanted to give you a couple of things to think about while you wait for your W-2s...
Take Care,
Kimmy
Monday, January 2, 2012
The 90-day rule...
Do I have your attention? Good!
I know a lot of people have heard of the 90-day rule from Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. A lot of people were like "That's messed up!" because let's face it, when it comes to sex people don't think rationally they just do. That's why STIs are such a problem in the United States. Well I think the 90-day rule is a good idea but not for the reasons Steve Harvey says...
All STIs including HIV show up on a STI/HIV test by three months once a person is exposed from unprotected sex. With that said, once your new partner finishes their probation period, go to the clinic or doctor's office together and get tested! If your partner refuses, you may want to run! During the probation period (honestly, as soon as possible) it may be a good idea to talk to your partner about what means of contraception/protection you plan on using if and when you have sex. It's much better to have the talk anytime other than the heat of the moment. A wise man once told me "A hard penis has no conscience!"
Once you have figured out your safe sex plan, go shopping for condoms together. There are way too many kinds, sizes, and shapes of condoms to not use one. Buy different kinds and try them all out. If your partner tells you that condoms hinder their performance, find some sex toys to enhance the experience. Both of you learn about different sex techniques to maintain arousal. It also helps to put a couple of drops of lubricant on the inside of the condom to increase sensitivity. There are many ways safe sex can be pleasurable you just have to think outside of the box!
If you partner refuses to use protection, there are some things you need to think about. What happens when you don't use protection? Pregnancy! Are you and your partner ready to have a child? Financially, mentally, and emotionally ready? Are you where you want to be in life? Are you and your partner in it for the long haul (and I mean ride or die)? If you answered no to any of these questions, it may be a good idea to reevaluate the contraception situation. Ladies, you may need to think long and hard about your views on contraception. If your views on contraception contradict with your readiness to have a child, you may need to take a step back on sex until you are ready for what may happen in the event you get pregnant. Another thing you have to think about are STIs. Some STIs are curable, others are not. Are you faithful to your partner? Is your partner faithful to you? Can you keep up with the treatment of a curable STI? Can you deal with living with a STI that is not curable? If you answered no to any of these questions, you may need to reevaluate your views on safe sex. The fallout of an unplanned pregnancy and/or incurable STI is a heavy burden to bear. I'm not here to preach to anyone about anything. I just want you to think before you act.
If your partner refuses to practice safe sex, they are not thinking or caring about their own health and well being let alone yours. I understand loving someone, trust me, but love can and will cloud your judgement. If you're going to stick around, brace yourself for the possible consequences of your decision. At least get tested regularly so you know what's going on with your body.
It's 2012 people! There's a lot of bad people and things out there! You gotta love and protect yourself in order to live the life you truly want to live!
Take care,
- Kimmy
I know a lot of people have heard of the 90-day rule from Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. A lot of people were like "That's messed up!" because let's face it, when it comes to sex people don't think rationally they just do. That's why STIs are such a problem in the United States. Well I think the 90-day rule is a good idea but not for the reasons Steve Harvey says...
All STIs including HIV show up on a STI/HIV test by three months once a person is exposed from unprotected sex. With that said, once your new partner finishes their probation period, go to the clinic or doctor's office together and get tested! If your partner refuses, you may want to run! During the probation period (honestly, as soon as possible) it may be a good idea to talk to your partner about what means of contraception/protection you plan on using if and when you have sex. It's much better to have the talk anytime other than the heat of the moment. A wise man once told me "A hard penis has no conscience!"
Once you have figured out your safe sex plan, go shopping for condoms together. There are way too many kinds, sizes, and shapes of condoms to not use one. Buy different kinds and try them all out. If your partner tells you that condoms hinder their performance, find some sex toys to enhance the experience. Both of you learn about different sex techniques to maintain arousal. It also helps to put a couple of drops of lubricant on the inside of the condom to increase sensitivity. There are many ways safe sex can be pleasurable you just have to think outside of the box!
If you partner refuses to use protection, there are some things you need to think about. What happens when you don't use protection? Pregnancy! Are you and your partner ready to have a child? Financially, mentally, and emotionally ready? Are you where you want to be in life? Are you and your partner in it for the long haul (and I mean ride or die)? If you answered no to any of these questions, it may be a good idea to reevaluate the contraception situation. Ladies, you may need to think long and hard about your views on contraception. If your views on contraception contradict with your readiness to have a child, you may need to take a step back on sex until you are ready for what may happen in the event you get pregnant. Another thing you have to think about are STIs. Some STIs are curable, others are not. Are you faithful to your partner? Is your partner faithful to you? Can you keep up with the treatment of a curable STI? Can you deal with living with a STI that is not curable? If you answered no to any of these questions, you may need to reevaluate your views on safe sex. The fallout of an unplanned pregnancy and/or incurable STI is a heavy burden to bear. I'm not here to preach to anyone about anything. I just want you to think before you act.
If your partner refuses to practice safe sex, they are not thinking or caring about their own health and well being let alone yours. I understand loving someone, trust me, but love can and will cloud your judgement. If you're going to stick around, brace yourself for the possible consequences of your decision. At least get tested regularly so you know what's going on with your body.
It's 2012 people! There's a lot of bad people and things out there! You gotta love and protect yourself in order to live the life you truly want to live!
Take care,
- Kimmy
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